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Memorable
Quotes
These
quotes have been said during class and assembled over the years.
Many are quotes from math teacher Mr. Lee Morris. He is definitely
the funniest teacher who doesn't try to be funny. Others come
from other teachers and students.
“I’m
not pro-choice or pro-life; I’m for mandatory abortion”
- Mr. Morris
“You
have penis envy! You know what that is?!?!?!”
(After
a long discussion about how bad republicans are) “So you are a
democrat?” “No, they are jerks too” “What are you registered
as?” “A democrat”
-
Mr. Morris
“Yeah,
people get shot all the time around my house. I usually just turn up
the radio.”
-
Mr. Morris
“All
gamblers lie! Even your parents.”
-
Mr. Morris
“Christine,
what did you get for your answer on the calculator?” “Low
Battery”
“Democracies
don’t start wars, dictators start wars”
-
Mr. Stern
“We
bring them in from the LA Zoo in Australia”
“Do
we have high and low tides in our swimming pools?”
“Mine
can do 450!, not like your CHEAP calculators you guys have”
-
Mr. Morris
“Is
it absolute value or magnitude? The answer is yes”
“And
so Abraham begot Isaac”
-
The Bible
“I
ALWAYS do it… except when I don’t”
The
Mr. Morris Theory of Attraction: “It’s all about the antibodies
and the hip to waist ratios”
“The
proof is beyond the scope of this book”
-
Math Analysis Book
“He
acquired the semen specimen by means of natural methods”
“Hmmm…Gastric
Juices…Yum”
-
Mr. Morris
“Bubbling
pool of protoplasm”
“Pleasantly
plump”
“I
heard that Stern students do worse than others” “Well, we
don’t color maps and watch videos all day!”
-
Mr. Van Rossum
“You
move at the speed of thought”
“Having
more than two children is greedy, immoral, and should be illegal!” “How many
children do you have Mr. Morris?” “That doesn’t matter”
“I’m
attracted to A negative people and people born on Saturdays”
-
Mr. Morris
“They
do stuff to you and they’ll kill you if you go to a hospital.
Don’t!”
“What’s
a biopsy?” “They cut you open and they kill you!”
“That
cum line is a sticky situation.”
“Gamblers
are SICK people! They are all losers. They are like heroin addicts.
Comparing gamblers to heroin addicts is like comparing Hitler to
Mussolini.”
-
Mr. Morris
“Its
very hard on the eyes” (referring to the strobes for the fire
alarm system)
-
Mr. Stern
“You’re
such a turkey.” “Uh, senor, do you mean you’re a chicken?”
-
Senor Peixoto
“But
then you have to think!” “Well that’s nice.”
“And
now I am angry because I don’t like to be angry!”
“Now
Mr. Openheimer was 127 lbs and disliked fat people”
“Is
Russia the biggest country in the United States?”
“What
happens is these mollusks have a big old orgy”
-
Ms. Weiss
“And
then the whole farm broke out into the Breasts of England”
-
Alex Wolf
“It
was the only good thing that came out of religion”
“After
going through a slight faint”
“A
clever form of one”
“My
father the mutant”
-
Ms. Weiss
Someone
is humming a Nelly rap song and teacher replies: “Don’t hum your
Mozart yet”
“A
chicken is just an egg’s way of making another egg”
“BC
– Before calculators”
“Is
this trash economics class” (as the recycling club comes to take
away the bottles and cans from the blue bin)
-
Senor Peixoto
“you
accidentally inhale some mildly poisonous fumes”
“We
are fully prepared, but we just didn’t bring anything”
“There’s
nothing like coming in with a dramatic flare”
-
Mr. Stern
“That’s
what’s great about it – the porn and the poverty”
“This
is like a whitewash school”
“Do
you know any of the Hebrew prayers” “They’re all stupid”
“I’m
a born again atheist”
-
Mr. Morris
“It’s
not that it’s wrong, it’s just not completely accurate”
-
Ms. Weiss
“There
are more ways to shuffle a deck of cards than there are atoms in the
universe”
“To
correct the ill scent of the armpits”
“One
foot is 12 inches, right?”
“What
are you doing on your calculator back there?” “I’m just
calculating”
“Why
weren’t you here yesterday?” “Because I was absent”
“So
China is where there’s millions of people smoking opium”
“It’s
not quite right, in fact, it’s wrong”
“The
safest mode of transportation is the elevator”
“I
read a book about nothing”
“Insects
– I used to dissect them, play with them – it was perhaps the
greatest memory of my childhood”
-
Insect Video
“Okay,
Cyrus!, you have #4, that’ll be a really fun one for you”
“Uh… Mr. Stern, Cyrus isn’t here”
“This
is the Morris way, not the right way”
“This
is un-timed, however, there is a time limit”
“I
think I’m going to sneeze…Oh no, I guess I’m not in touch with
my feelings”
“But
on the foot, grow these colorful delights” (referring to a fungal
growth on the foot)
“Beer
is not necessary for survival, however, some would have us believe
otherwise”
“It
makes your brain go into a catatonic freeze”
-
Mr. Knowlton
“They
are non-defensive defensive remarks”
“I
never have insomnia, but I have many nights where I can’t ever
fall asleep”
-
Mr. Knowlton
“Darwin
was into hypnotics” “He was also into his cousin” “What
wasn’t Darwin into?”
“Are
you serious?” “No, I’m Mr. Morris”
“That’s
nonsense, that’s a terrible proof”
“Scientists
are all hung up on reality”
“It’s
the same…except it’s different”
“Once
you hit 35, your life is basically over”
-
Mr. Morris
“What
happens if you don’t study for the final?” “You wont get into
BC Calculus, you won’t get into a university, and you’ll be
collecting aluminum cans for the rest of your life!”
“There’s
no point to anything”
“Hey,
look, if you don’t get into BC Calculus, you wont make any money
so you wont have to pay taxes”
“I
have a general question” “I’m not a general”
“Countries
are nonsense. You know those governmental warnings…yeah, be warned
of governments”
“Now
what I’m trying to introduce you to is the world of infinity…
without drugs”
“I
was racing a friend down a hill, and then I crashed into a parked
car. As I flew over the car, I thought to myself, wow, the forces of
inertia are amazing”
-
Mr. Lee
They
have some major cracks on the walls, but they've patched them up so
we wont notice them"
-
Mr. Knowlton
"Why
do you keep that old computer?" "I don't know, I keep my
wife and she's old too."
-
Mr. Morris
"I
would rather just pay the interest and have my children pay the
loan"
-
Mr. Morris
"It's
the Ronald Regan approach to mathematics" "We
are not confused, we are just puzzled" "Let's
try to keep the units fairly standard, so lets use furlongs per fortnight" "In
the real world, most people are idiots" "If
Bush wants to make jobs, we should build a pyramid. Nobody was ever
unemployed in ancient Egypt" "Sharing is caring; that's what STD's are all about." -
Mr. Taylor
"If
Steven Hawking is so smart, then why is he handicapped?"
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