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Big Brother With A
Chewy Flavor
"Listening,
Watching, Moving ever so slowly”…Beverly Underground
investigators found startling robotic spies around the school, right
under the noses, or rather the feet, of Beverly Hills High School
students. Who employs these spies: the Kremlin or the Main office?
Students walk all over school, day after day, and complain
about the increasing number of spots that they find on the ground,
thought to be dried gum.
Entrance to Main Building
Parents and community members coming to
campus have thought that these spots were just neglected by the
environmental service workers as too hard to clean off.
The gum spots were thought to have been put there as
thoughtless fragments of Beverly’s famous, such as Nicholas Cage,
and infamous, such as Monica Lewinsky, past student activities.
The spots were disregarded as part of the décor of Beverly
High, the dirt, spawned from years of environmentally unfriendly
students. However, the
students have been wrongly blamed, and everyone has been fooled.
Beverly underground
was able to dislodge an obscure spot, after weeks of effort. In actuality, these spots of gum are well-camouflaged
cameras, recorders, and tiny robots, able to move ever so slowly
from place to place as needed.
The suction mechanism that holds down the spy system was not
easily uprooted.
The appearance of the
gum and lack of removal around campus, it seems, was not due to the
laziness of the students refusing to throw their gum out in the
proper waste bins. It
was not due to lack of effort on the part of the maintenance crew.
It was not due to budgetary concerns causing the priority of
gum removal to be left out of the budget altogether.
It was due to a well planned and a premeditated need for
those in the main office to know all the students’ secrets.
Now it is clear why
our school has absorbed years of complaining about the lack of gum
removal, and why our school is laughed at by the cleaner schools in
Malibu and Palos Verdes. Clearly,
the visible cameras overhead that are around Beverly were put there
as decoys to distract attention from the real spies beneath,
everywhere on campus. The
gum seems to pop up here and there, always around congregating
students. The
administration, listening in on private student conversations, can
remotely direct the “gumbots” to move from place to place as
needed. One critical
area is the 2nd floor patio, where many students
congregate.
When looking through
top-secret district files, one informer gave Beverly Underground pictures of
some of the initial "gumbots" the administration brainstormed. They included:
Camouflage
Gum.
Living
organisms (Cryptochiton stelleri)
High-tech
machines
and
Labrador impersonators.
However, the district finally chose
because it was the cheapest.
Why did Beverly Underground think to dissect the “gum"? It was the peculiar behavior of the maintenance crew.
Special attention seemed to be given to the sidewalk of Heath
Avenue. Although it
appeared that they were sweeping things up, it was peculiar to see
them sweep around some of the gum spots.
It appeared as if they were being very careful not to clean
too harshly on any of them, and never was anyone seen to bend over
to try to scrape one off.
Heath Avenue
When presented with the remains of the broken "gumbot"
camera/recorder, and asked to explain it,
Principal Stepenosky cited “budget cuts,” as the reason
they could not be well maintained.
Realizing he was tricked into acknowledging the spy system,
he quickly reversed himself, and said that a spy system on campus
was nonsense. He had
been alluding to the overhead cameras that do not work, but are seen
everywhere. He went
on to explain that he was glad to see one of the gum spots removed,
and could not explain any of the hardware.
He suggested perhaps it was left behind by the award winning
Beverly robotics team.
Sure
Dr. Step, Sure!
An independent poll of
Beverly students, immediately performed subsequently to the meeting
with Dr. Step, showed that 83% felt that George Orwell was writing
about BHHS in his award-winning “fictional” novel, 1984.
Beverly’s students deserve a clean environment, and some
privacy.
GET
RID OF THE GUM
Camouflage
Gum, High Tech Machines, and Labrador Impersonator courtesy of Nathan's House of Gum.
Gumboot Chiton courtesy of Monterey Bay Aquarium
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