This is the feature section of Beverly Underground Newspaper. Here you will find miscellaneous articles from both staff writers and readers such as yourself. 

Hate Mail

I didn't think this site would receive hate mail... but apparently I was very mistaken. Here is what a couple people had to say to us. It is followed by our response to the email. We have received more than two emails describing their dislike of the site, but the other emails actually had merit behind what they were saying. Thus, we took those as beneficial constructive criticism. These are just plain funny.

From: steeltoe_oi@yahoo.com

Subject: Get A Fucking Life Loser!

Jesus Christ, you people are the biggest fucking pussys in the world.  "Oh I'm scared I might have cancer, help shut down the school immediately"  Not only that how much of your useless time did you spend on that web page, only in fucking Beverly hills can kids sit around on the parents computer and complain about about a fucking oil well.  I have a great idea, GET A JOB! and do something positive and make the world a better place instead of sitting around and saying how things are shit for you.  Why don't you go to a poor part of the world and see how things are really where people have the right to complain because they work for things then just maybe you will shut your mouth. 

- Steve Rotten

      Well Steve, you call us fucking pussies. Now I don’t know your ideals and values, but here in “fucking Beverly Hills” we enjoy our lives. When a school is profiting on something that can potentially be killing us, I see it as a natural, and positive response to push for the school to cease the oil drilling if it even poses a possible risk. You say I should make the world a better place. Well, how long has saving lives been considered an evil act? If the oil well is causing cancer, any negative publicity for the school to shut it down is positive for the students and the teachers. You ignorantly say, “shut down the school immediately”. Maybe you don’t have great reading comprehension skills (your grammar and punctuation is surely worse than a 3^rd grader’s), but our site in no way asks for school to shut down. We want the oil well, run by a separate company on school grounds, to be shut down. 

      Your ignorant stereotypes also trouble me. You seem to know my entire economic situation. Unless you are some type of psychic, it is very naïve and moronic to assume you know what I’m like from the city I live in. The computer that I am using right now and my PARENT’S COMPUTER I bought with money I earned from a job. Yes, I do have a job. How dare you make assumptions as to what I am doing with my life! I do well in school, I play tennis, make films, hang out with friends on the weekends, run my own business, and do this website only in my own free time. I’m not going to make any naïve assumptions as you did in your email, but from your ignorance, your spelling and grammar skills, and your awful use of diction, I am going to guess you are not very successful in whatever job you have, that is, if you even have a job. 

      I live a good life. Your claims that this site only talks about how shitty our lives are reveals one of two things, a) can’t read, or b) you are too stupid to spend the time to actually explore the site before making your false claims and taking the time to complain about how spoiled you think we are. Who is the loser now? You have nothing better to do with your time than to make false accusations. What have you accomplished there? 

      Mr. Rotten, if you would like to send us an email that makes sense and isn’t based on your pathetic stereotypes because you saw an episode of 90210 and felt jealous, then you are welcome too. It is you, Rotten, that needs to get a fucking life, and also, may I suggest elementary school? You ask me to make the world a better place. I’ll tell you, the world would be a better place without people like you: people that draw conclusions without evidence and are quick to channel their own bitterness on the efforts of others.

- Zack Anderson

Hate Mail #2

From: (Identity Concealed)

Hi, I just wanted to tell you guys that I think you did a good job of putting together the page and actually finding people who would be interested in writing for such a loser "paper," if you can call it a paper. You say that Highlights is biased, but what do you think your website is? All your story ideas come from Highlights, and if you're gonna write about a football game, learn how to spell the name of the other school and don't editorialize a sports story. All of you are probably social outcasts that sit home on the weekends writing these horribly-written stories for your loser website that gets almost no visits. And that explains why you use those queer pseudonyms. Then agains, thats just my opinion. 

Dear Beverly Student,

      Thank you so much for not spending the time to look at our site before you sent us your email. May I just tell you what you may have seen had you actually spent the time to look at the site before making such false allegations? 1) You would notice that none of the articles on the site are even similar to Highlights stories (except the “Tribute to Richard Sprouse” which we wrote before Highlights published its story). 2) Well, we got your visit, and that’s all that counts right? Okay, we have also gotten about 3000 other people who have seen the site too. You might have noticed had you seen the hit counter. 3) I can't comment much on the "queer" pseudonyms because frankly I don't quite understand what a "queer" pseudonym would be. Does that mean that our aliases are attracted to the same gender?

      I see that you are on the Highlights staff… as Ad Manager, the lowest common denominator in journalism, if you can even call it journalism. So naturally, you are defending the paper you are affiliated with. Please understand that we have nothing against Highlights. Highlights is a well-written newspaper with a great and intelligent staff (well, perhaps minus yourself). We just don’t feel that the issues they report on are very balanced. That’s why we are here.  

      I hate the word loser. It has so many negative connotations. What I hate more however are people who attack things they don’t understand. Here we are running a newspaper in our free time and you come across our page and bash us as losers. Are we losers because this is a waste of time? What does that even mean? If we want to run this site, then we are not wasting time. Is working $30 deals with Westwood Driving School to put an ad in Highlights so much more productive? I can’t believe I’m even writing a response to your email, but I want to set an example for anyone who might send an email in the future. If you don’t know what you are talking about, then don’t send us mail calling us losers. If you want to make real allegations supported by the facts, then I respect you for that. The real losers are the people, like you, who send email like this making up dumb excuses to make you feel better about yourself. How about you pick up an interest and stop criticizing things you obviously don’t understand and therefore can’t appreciate?

      But there is one thing I commend you on. We thank you so much that you can spell "Cabrillo"... we have made the appropriate correction.

- Jim Moore

If you feel enticed to send us a stupid letter, we reserve our right to publish it. We do welcome CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.

A Man of Many Words

       His name is Michael Ma. Strolling the hallways, he is the lone bastion of hope that looms amongst the waves of imbecility. This intriguing character might not appeal to the normal individual, but to understand the essence, the character, of Mr. Ma, one must delve deep into his thoughts. Although he is currently 11th grade Vice President, many have not seen him or even heard his name.

      Mike comes from the famous Ma family of China, which is directly related to the infamous Song dynasty. In an interview Ma stated, "My goal is to go back to China and reclaim my family's heritage." Obviously, Ma is extremely dedicated. He uses his role in ASB as a position of practice. He says it will help him in his journey back home.

      Outside of ASB, Mike is a 5.0 student and a brilliant speaker. Standing on a stage in front of tens of thousands of students, Mr. Ma attempted to rally the amazed onlookers. However, his attempt failed as one simple question arose. “What the hell was he saying?!” It was later learned, through comprehensive research of course, that Mr. Ma’s speech is spoken at a frequency not heard by 98% of humans.

      But only a genius will understand Mike’s plight. Living a life of semi-luxury, Mr. Ma possesses only a single Tahitian island, clearly not enough to suit his insatiable taste. His speeches consist of brimstone so powerful the world seems to shake.

      “Mike is a pure genius. I’m going to start calling him E=mc²,” junior Unaiz Kabani said. Like Kabani, many of Mr. Ma's schoolmates are honored to work with this natural born leader. "Mike has the ability to inspire and to teach," freshman Yang Yang added.

      A man of many words, Michael Ma truly is a renaissance man.

- The Demenator and The Paki Partisan

Please Note: We have not verified the accuracy of this submitted story. It has been printed with the permission of Michael Ma. 

Notable Quotes