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Math
Genius or Psychotic Sociopath?
Profile
for: Jane Whortman
(of
course we don't mean Jane Wortman!)
Towering at just over five feet, one woman intimidates her students with a force so powerful, even the bravest of men will hide underneath their cavernous desk. Jane Whortman patrols her room with such undying devotion, using her shrill, deadly voice to scare her students. She has gone so far as to call some arrogant and lazy.
"I'm afraid to ask questions in that class,” a feared Whortman student said. “She gives me 'the look' and forces me to sit down and shut up. I mean it's like she thinks I’m yelling when I’m just
mumbling." Whortman's past is a mystery to most, but it is believed that she
received a strong math education from an early age. One expert speculates
that she took calculus at around age seven. It is also known that Whortman once worked at NASA as an astrophysicist, but lost her job when a miscalculation of metric system conversion caused the Mars Climate Orbiter to disintegrate upon entering the Martian
atmosphere. Due to this, Whortman has shown exasperation towards her students whenever NASA launches another Martian vehicle. Aside from her vicious intimidation of students, Whortman is the first human to have a chip installed in her brain. This device acts like a calculator, giving Whortman the unprecedented ability to calculate problems and torture her students at the same time.
"All I was doing was playing some Texas Hold 'Em when Whortman comes along, gives me detention, and then tells me the probability of me winning the bet I had just placed,” senior Haki Zashem explained. “I was
scared - scared for my life." Will anyone stand against this tide of pure malice? Only time will tell, but Whortman’s NASA co-workers gave some tips. “Whortman is Native American, so a tribal rain dance usually calms her down," former Logistics Programming Administrating Expert Executive Arthur Miller said. With the world at hand, we all know Jane Whortman will strive to terrorize her students and, eventually, send them all in little pieces to Mars.
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