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Fire
Alarms Blamed For Recent Deaths; Terrorist Organization Implicated
On
Friday, March 12, Beverly Hills High School lost two students after
a string of deadly epileptic seizure attacks struck.
As
the final moments of the lunch period ticked away, a rogue group of
student vandals decided they were going to destroy the innocent
lives of various bystanders and put the entire school in a state of
panic. Little did they know that their actions would lead to the
deaths of two people and the staining of their Armani shoes. One
captured student, whose identity is being withheld due to privacy
issues, pulled the fire alarm in the PE locker room. The second they
pulled the alarm, a vile of ink exploded into their faces and
permanently stained their t-shirts and shoes. One of the assailants
was carrying his girlfriend’s $45 fake Louis Vuitton designer
purse and he is now considering legal action against the school. In
an exclusive interview with Beverly Underground, he told our
reporters that he was “struck aghast that the school could dare
put ink into the fire alarms.” When told that the feature was to
catch criminals such as himself, he said that the policy was,
“completely unconstitutional, unwarranted, and exploited minors’
personal freedoms.”
The
City Attorney has classified this rogue group of fire alarm pullers
as a terrorist organization.
Pictured
above is the annual FAPA (Fire Alarm Pullers of America) terrorist
rally.
“We cannot allow these terrorists to destroy our core
ideals and the very civilization we live in,” said the City of
Beverly Hills lawyer when asked about FAPA. BHPD’s finest is
currently mobilizing a task force to arrest the other assailants of
the fire alarm puller’s terrorist organization. The Beverly Hills
Police Department is thrilled to finally have a use for their recent
purchase of an $8.6 billion “mobile tactical operations unit”.
The converted RV houses some of the finest anti-crime technology
available. Due to the recent terrorist actions against the fire
alarm system and the threats of future attacks, the city of Beverly
Hills and also BHHS has gone on code red alert. The chief of police
has issued a notice for everyone to be on the lookout for FAPA
terrorists.
The arrested fire alarm puller is currently striking a deal with the
district attorney. Inside sources tell us that the organization is
also said to have been funded by the North Korean government as the
start of a nation-wide communist plot to overthrow the United States
government by means of mental alteration and seizure stimulation
cognitive techniques. Principal Dan Stepenosky said, “Under no
circumstances will terrorism be permitted in my school. If
you would to talk about your concerns about terrorism and other
issues that effect teen life, instant message me at screen name
BHHSKing. The Norman Nation will prevail.”
As
the students of Beverly Hills High School  know all too well, the
fire alarm system is accompanied by the PRDLESCIDBNW v.2.03 strobe
light. It was
these lights that would trigger the string of violent
epileptic seizures throughout the school. According to neurosurgeon
Alice Ferguson, the pulsating light that Beverly’s fire alarm
strobes emit is within 3 nanohertz of the brainwave impulse spectrum
of the human brain. In practice, this means the strobe can trigger
demonic seizures that, according to Ferguson, could quite possibly
result in death.
(above)
School surveillance camera catches footage of student having a
seizure
One student who is among the deceased (see frozen carcass above) was
on his way to donate a can of Green Giant™ peas to the canned food
drive. Although his last thoughts are only speculation, Dr. Ferguson
said that he must have been horrified to see the first blinding
flash. She went on to compare the strobe with the penetrating flash
of a nuclear blast. “The fire alarm strobe is the atomic bomb of
the new millennia,” said Ferguson. The student’s mother is also
furious at the school for their “murderous and negligent
conduct”. She has also vowed to do all she could to prevent such
an event at other schools.
Sources tell us that such a heinous crime could happen anywhere, at
any school or place of business. Homeland Security Secretary Tom
Ridge is considering placing the entire nation on alert due to the
recent acts of terrorism at Beverly. Back on the immediate home
front, Board of Education members are hopeful that the Norman Nation
will make it through these times of turmoil and conflict. “We will
not be defeated,” said superintendent Jeff Hubbard in a touching
three-hour speech given last Tuesday. The speech brought tears to
many listeners and instilled hope in the entire community. “These
deaths will be avenged and the FAPA sleeper agents will be punished
to the extent of the law.”
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