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Should
I Have Sex With Him?
Hi,
I'm not really sure you can help me, but I thought maybe you can give me some helpful advice. I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 7 months now, and he really wants to have sex. I really
don't think I'm ready though. I mean, I have given him bjs before, and
that's okay, but he thinks its unfair of me to not have sex with him since we have been going out so long. I really like him a lot, I just
don't think I'm ready. I've told him this but he still says that its unfair to him. He said that if he was with any other girl for that long, they would have had sex already.
Am I wrong to hold out? If not, what can I tell him without him getting mad and maybe breaking up? He won't accept what
I'm telling him about not being ready - he says I'm just scared. Please help.
-Unsure
Dear Unsure,
YOU ARE NOT UNDER ANY OBLIGATION TO HAVE SEX. No matter how long
you've been dating, with whom, or anything. Sex is for fun. This applies to kissing, oral sex, hand jobs,
intercourse - everything. If you don't feel ready, you won't have fun. How can you enjoy yourself if
you're unsure, nervous, or scared? It could end up a really terrible experience.
It is okay to be scared, especially if it's your first time. Sex
is a big deal. Really. You know this - they've been nailing it in our brains since we were all, like,
10 years old. As much as I loathe to admit anything my moronic health teacher has ever said is true, this one
stands: SEX IS A BIG DEAL. Please, talk to your boyfriend, explain to him that being ready is a personal thing you
don't control - its not a reflection of how much you love him or how attractive he is or anything like that.
It's purely personal. I know teenage guys are horny. So are teenage girls. I know that many teenage couples have sex.
That's all just fine and dandy, but none of it means that you should ever do anything you don't whole-heartedly want to do.
If you explain all of this, and your boyfriend still
doesn't accept it or continues to beg you to sleep with him, you need to seriously reconsider
your relationship potential. Don't ever feel you need to sleep with him just to keep him
happy - that's simply not fair to you. With sex, YOUR emotional and
physical health comes first. It is okay to take a selfish approach in regards to your own well being.
With that said, if you do eventually feel ready (which you
will - maybe not this year, maybe not with this boyfriend), please make sure that
you're safe. GET TESTED, both of you, before you have sex. Check out
www.plannedparenthood.com.
Explore your birth control options and decide which one appeals to
you - then USE it when you're ready. Don't let such a good thing turn into something bad.
Happy trails and best of luck!
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