Have issues? Let Beverly Underground help you! If you have a problem, and would like student peer advice from someone who cares, email The Shrink. TheShrink@beverlyunderground.org To see details, read the end of this column.

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      Gossip Is So Cruel

      I am walking by a group of people and overhear them talking about a tragedy—a suicide. However, their conversation is the real tragic part. The main part of the discussion, no not a discussion, a discussion involves some type of human feeling or decency. This was gossip. Gossip about a distraught thirteen-year-old boy, whose view for the best life was no life at all. They describe a child that was “troubled boy”, and that all the signs were there, casting blame for his death on his other friends and family. Within five seconds of the herd breaking up, five new throngs have assembled, all casting the blame on someone else and exploiting every endless detail. The child is no longer a life, but a source of entertainment. 

      I am overcome with a combination of sadness and disgust. Sadness, for the lose of an innocent child’s life, and disgust, for the lose of humanity in our society. I only have one question for all those people so “concerned” about the situation, “If all the signs were so evident, why was nothing done?” Instead of casting the blame on others, maybe it is about time to accept responsibility. The responsibilities of protecting a child’s innocent life.  Instead of getting entertainment out of someone else’s misfortune, make a change. Change, so no other child thinks of death as the only result of a situation that makes sense to him.

      If you know or even speculate someone’s life might be in danger, it is important, no your obligation, to help. Help so another mother does not have to bury her child, and feel that lose, that awful terrible unbearable lose.

Here is a list of possible signs to look for:

1. Depression 
2. Withdrawal from human relationships
3. Change in sleeping patterns
4. Drug and alcohol abuse
5. The giving of personal belongings away/getting affairs in order
6. Change in appetite/weight
7. Lost of interest in usual activities
8. Feelings of worthlessness
9. Recent loss of a friend or family member
10. Speaking and/or moving with unusual speed or slowness
11. Thoughts of death 

If even one is evident, HELP, or call a professional and tell them what you suspect!

It Stings.

Dear Shrink,

       I'm really trying to stop cutting, but I don't know how long I can go with out it. I'm about to go crazy b/c I haven’t done it in like a week. And I really need the physical pain. I've been really stressed this week. My friends took my scissors and threw them away and threw away my safety pin. I've been begging for 2 days straight for it back, but they won’t give it to me. 

        My friends like totally don't trust me with sharp objects anymore. They took every sharp thing away that I had with me at school, even my pens.  I now have 3 pens left, all erasable, which like don’t have any sharp part on them at all. All I write with is pens, so I have to go buy more pens.  My friends are going to go with me to make sure I don’t buy sharp ones. Hmmm, I guess it’s for my own good. I mean I love my friends to death.  I know they are just trying to help me, but I just don't know. I want to do it so bad.

-Sore on Pain

______________________________

Dear Sore on Pain,

     It sounds like you’re in a really difficult situation, and really want help. I want to commend you for sharing your story; it can sometimes be extremely difficult for people to share their situation with others. By doing this you might be helping someone else with the same situation. It is also great that you realize you have a problem and that you want help.

      You write that you cut for the “physical pain,” but why are you intentionally inflicting pain upon yourself? Cutting may seem like a good way to relieve stress, but cutting can also be lethal. Often, people cut to deal with repressed emotions, but self-mutilation is not the answer. Although it may be hard, the only way to deal with the pain is to actually deal with the problem causing the pain. Your friends obviously love you a lot to care this much; they seem to be willing to do anything to help you. Think about it, they insist upon going with you to buy pens; they want to make sure you get help.

      There are many different ways people handle cutting. First and foremost, you should consider talking to someone: a parent, a teacher, a therapist, someone you trust. They may be able to provide further insight on your situation, and be able to get you more help. It’s great how much your friends care, but an adult might be able to give you further support and help you eliminate the need to cut. 

       If you are not ready to talk about it, here are few tricks people find helpful. Many people just need to take their minds off the cutting, so they write in a journal, listen to music, watch TV, or participate in a hobby. Also people find it helpful to flick rubber bands on their wrists or putting a red dot on the place they would normally cut.
 
      Here is a number for a cutting hotline that can provide further assistance call 1-800-DONT-CUT or just click it to read more about helping yourself or finding the help you are seeking.

      It is so great that you can see how great your friends are and that you are trying to get help instead of cutting. Best of luck! Please feel free to e-mail again.

Sincerely,